Vaffanculo!
by stargazerlilith
Summary: An unusual order will change Roy's life.


AN: Based on the Fuck you Flower prompt. For Italian translations, see notes at the end. If you see a mistake (since I am not Italian) please let me know and I will fix it.  
Side note: I do not own these lovely brilliant characters.

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Roy Mustang looked around his small hole-in- the-wall florist shop. It had taken a lot of care, but he had finally did it. A far cry from life in the military; where everyone was positive, he would become a general.

No, that life was gone. He needed a change. The war was too much. Too much carnage. Too much death.

He needed _life_.

Hughes had commented to him about his love of flowers. His apartment had been covered in them, especially his own hybrids. In his free time, he had liked to experiment to see what would create the best blooms. Now, with the support of his friends, he was able to purchase this cozy little shop on the corner of main street.

It wasn't much. Just enough space for his flowers, the refrigeration, and all the little things that went with the arrangements. He loved the fact that he had enough room to showcase his best flowers in the front. The storefront currently boasted several rainbow-colored roses, white lilies, and daisies.

It wasn't much, but it was his. He wasn't doing too bad for business either. After only a few months, he already had a good clientele with promises for more. No, he wasn't doing bad at all.

Roy bustled around the shop, making sure to water the storefront flowers, before settling down behind the counter. He carefully laid out flowers to arrange for a surprise engagement piece. He gently placed the alstroemeria next to the perfectly bloomed red roses with baby's breath artfully placed. The entire arrangement screamed 'I love you and I'm devoted to you'. He picked up the white gold diamond ring that the customer wanted nestled into the roses and started to place it inside. However, fate was against him because the door to his shop swung open smacking the wall with enough force to shake the shop. Consequently, the entire arrangement fell to the floor shattering against the tile with the ring rolling across the floor.

Roy cursed and angrily bent to pick up the ring from the floor placing it safely back in its box. He grabbed a broom and called out to the customer in a short voice, "Just a moment."

He received a grunt in reply and Roy clenched his teeth in frustration.

S _uch a beautiful waste._

Roy methodically swept up the broken flowers and glass, mourning the loss of his masterpiece. He wasn't looking forward to serving this person, who ruined his masterpiece. Sighing and mentally preparing himself, Roy walked back to his counter and placed his best smile on his face and looked for the customer.

At first, he couldn't find the irate person until he looked down. Bending over to smell the flowers, displayed on the right side of the counter, was the most delicious looking derrière he had ever seen. His mouth felt completely dry.

 _Holy hell, the view alone made up for everything_. Roy licked his lips and clear his throat.

"Sir, may I help you?" he drawled, his voice lowering to a sultry octave.

The gorgeous backside turned around and Roy felt like he was hit with a vision.

 _He must have died because no one should look that deliciously gorgeous._

The man had luxurious golden hair hanging off his shoulder in a wondrous tempting braid. Roy just knew that such beautiful hair was begging him to set it free; so, he could run his fingers through it. Roy couldn't help, but to stare at the man approvingly. A small compact body with muscles in all the right places.

 _Dear god, was that leather? This vision... this angelo... no, demone was trying to kill him._

Roy licked his lips and gazed at the man. He honestly, could get lost in those rich golden eyes.

The man stomped back over to the counter and slammed his money down. "How do I passively-aggressively say ' _Fuck You_ ' in flowers?"

"Past lover disagreement?" Roy inquired, secretly hoping that the vision was single.

"None ya business, old man! I just need something that says, ' _Fuck_ _You_ '," the man snarled, tapping his fingers against the marble counter.

Roy wouldn't let the younger man's demeanor deter him. No, it would take more than that. Ultimately, he did enjoy a good chase.

"Very well, I need you to fill this out," Roy stated, thrusting the appropriate paperwork to the younger man with a pen.

"I'll be a moment."

Roy sauntered towards the back, making sure to wiggle his derrière _just_ right. He knew that he was fit and wasn't afraid to abuse that notion.

He gathered the appropriate flowers, while formulating a plan. He would not let the vision out there to escape, so easily. He heard cursing form the other room with mutterings of selfish bastard, little prick, and control freak. He couldn't help the smirk that graced his face as he stepped back out into the shop.

Roy set the flowers down and waited for the younger man to hand him the paperwork with an outstretched hand. He took the paperwork making sure to graze the young man's fingers lightly. He heard the inhale of breath from the younger man and inwardly smirked. Glancing down at the paperwork, Roy roamed over the details written in chicken scratch. The flowers, it would seem, were for a Russel Tringham. _Interesting_.

"Mr. Elric-"

"Edward", Mr. Elric muttered, before glancing at the flowers, "Aren't those too pretty to say, ' _Fuck_ _You_ '?"

"I assure you, Edward, that these do indeed say ' _Fuck_ _You_ ', as you eloquently put it." Roy smirked, separating the flowers into two piles.

"Geraniums for stupidity, foxglove for insecurity, meadowsweet for uselessness, yellow carnations for disappointment, and orange lilies for hatred," Roy stated, placing each flower in an artful display, wrapping them in black tissue paper.

"That's fucking genius! But, whatabout those other flowers?" Edward questioned, pointing his fingers over to the second pile in confusion.

"Ahh... my dear Edward, those are for you. For as one as beautiful as yourself, should be showered in flowers." Roy murmured his obsidian eyes darkening.

He watched Edward turn a lovely shade of red before sputtering.

"No...no... that's not necessary. You just met me! I don't even know your name..."

"Roy, amore mio, Roy Mustang…"

"Christ, fuck, your name even fits your fucking suave personality…Why the fuck do you want to date me?!"

"Oh, my lovely sun God, Dio sole incantevole, you deserve... so much. Orange roses for the passion I see in you, mauve carnations for I fantasize of you letting me take you on a date, and corianders for the hope of guilty pleasures. Brucio per te, mio tesoro," Roy purred, holding each flower up letting his gaze raked over Edward's form as he placed the delicate flowers into red tissue paper.

"Did you just say you want to ' _Fuck_ _me_ '? In fucking flowers?" Edward growled, glancing between Roy and the flowers bewildered.

Roy smirked and grasped Edward's hand. "Yes, a small token of hope for the divine specimen in front of me." Roy stroked his fingers before letting go. He carefully made his way around the counter and stood in front of the god in front him.

He looked down and could see Edward looking between his eyes and his lips. The man was fucking perfetto and so fucking petite. He would easily fit under his chin and the blush dusting his cheeks was adorable.

Roy threw caution to the wind and tilted Edward's chin up. He slowly bent down, waiting for Edward to say no; but, when no protest came, he closed the gap between them lightly pressing his lips to the God's luscious mouth. Roy could barely contain his moan.

 _Dear lord, it was like kissing the sun and he very much wanted to do more. This small wondrous beautiful man would be the death of him- if only he had a chance._

Roy brushed Edward's hair from his face with a soft smile. "Mio piccolo dio del sole, Tu sei un dono del cielo. Per favore, say you will go out with me?" he whispered placing his forehead against his.

"Did you just—" Edward muttered with his eyes widening in recognition, "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE WOULD FIT IN A VASE TIED UP WITH A BOW?"

Roy chuckled and grabbed Edward by the waist pulling him closer as the young blond fought against his arms. He would definitely like to tie this little sun God up on his bed.

"Amore mio, such spirit, such passione, Sono abbagliato da te. Vorrei annegare nei tuoi occhi. Please, let me take you out?" Roy whispered, cupping Edward's jaw line. The little God gave him a narrow look, before wrenching himself free and crossing his arms over his chest.

"This makes no fucking sense," Edward whimpered, scrutinizing the forward Italian man in front of him.

Roy leaned against the counter as Edward leered at him leisurely. Edward had started at his feet and slowly moved his way up. Roy was not obviously to the few lingering moments on his very noticeable bulge, before sweeping up to his taut stomach. He could tell Edward was debating. He couldn't blame him. Roy, himself, never went after anyone like this before.

But, there was something about the petite man in front of him that brought forth his Italian side.

He wanted to spoil the younger man and make him beg. He wanted to worship his body and his mind in ways that Edward could never dream of. He just needed to say 'yes'.

Roy smirked, when he heard the sigh and the slow nod of Edward's head. He quickly brought the man against him and descended on those sweet lips. Roy took his time mapping Edward's lips with his own, slowly and languorously. He teasingly licked at the corners of Edward's mouth, before releasing the dazed man.

" Tonight, mio Dio del sole, I will show you what this old man can do," Roy muttered huskily, before releasing the younger man.

Edward dazedly nodded, his face flush with desire, as he gathered the ' _fuck_ _you_ ' flowers from the counter.

"Amore mio, don't forget the other ones."

"Naw, bring them tonight." Edward called back sauntering away.

Roy smirked, placing the flowers into a water filled vase. Oh, he would bring them, after he made a few adjustments. _Yes, fate must be smiling down on him to bring him his piccolo dio del sole_. He couldn't wait to show his _tesoro_ the guilty pleasures that would leave him begging.

* * *

AN:

 _Vaffanculo!-Fuck Off!_

 _Tesoro- treasure_

 _Amore mio- my love_

 _Passione- passion_

 _Angelo-angel_

 _Demone- demon_

 _Perfetto- perfect_

 _Per favore- please_

 _Dio sole incantevole-lovely sun God_

 _piccolo dio del sole- small sun God_

 _mio Dio del sole- my sun God_

 _Mio piccolo dio del sole- my small sun God_

 _Sono abbagliato da te- I'm dazzled by you._

 _Vorrei annegare nei tuoi occhi-I want to drown in your eyes._

 _Tu sei un dono del cielo- You're a gift from heaven._

 _Brucio per te, mio tesoro- I'm on fire for you, my treasure._

All translations from various sources to include _google translate, 100 ways to Say "I love you" in Italian, Italian Swear words ( )._


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